Well done, that man.

It’s OK to diversify. It’s all right to have choice. As adult individuals, we can have almost anything we want. When it comes to playing music, The Heavy like to play everything they like in a fashion they can’t help but choose. This debut should be the archetypal album for these eager young turks, and yet The House That Dirt Built sounds more like an oversimplification, a distillation of iPods smelted in a deep cauldron of love. Which is a shame, because this is a band with promise and taste.
The first four songs of the album find the band ripping it up on the ghoulish rockabilly of ‘Oh No! Not You Again!’; then funking it up on ‘How You Like Me Now’; before waltzing it out on ‘Sixteen’ and then shooting up (no, not like that) on the Spaghetti Western styles of ‘Short Change Hero’. Should I continue? Why not. Let’s mention the Led Zeppelin riffing on ‘No Time’ that comes before the floaty retro-rock balladeering of ‘Long Way From Home’ and gives way to the spacious dub reggae of ‘Cause For Alarm’ which, incidentally, is the best darned track presented here.
Of course, the band hold the music together well and vocalist Kelvin Swaby capably serenades invisible devils all the way through but, as can be seen from just that short list of songs there, the band are completely incapable of delivering a coherent album. There’s nothing wrong with citing influences and using them to drive forward a combined, communal vision, but taking a piece of many different pies to make one giant, new pie just doesn’t work because it’s cheating and distasteful.
The Heavy are probably a massive hit live, but on record they just can’t carry it off. Not yet, anyway.





Take a look at that picture. Can you see why that note might be patronising? Am I really that negative a person? Is it a warning? Why tell me how I should try to feel about a record? Why put a Security Seal on it? The CD is already ‘Unique and Traceable’, so what’s the need for the big, red sticker? So you’ve ‘done a lot with this guy’, I don’t care. I care about the content of the CD, and not your long-standing relationship. Have we not got a relationship? Not any more, I’m just another address for you to send your anti-piracy warnings out to.
If you’ve not grasped it by now, then this is simply the quickest route to getting a record binned. If you can’t be gracious enough to to concede that I might be able to divulge my thoughts coherently about your artist’s record, then don’t send it.
Don’t ever send me (and, might I suggest – anyone) anything like this ever again.

‘But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.’
T.S. Eliot – Journey of the Magi.
Nigerian author Chinua Achebe referenced this poem for his 1960 novel ‘No Longer At Ease’, which tells the tale of an African villager unable to adapt to the ways of the Western world. Incidentally, the prequel to that book is entitled ‘Things Fall Apart’, and is the inspiration for The Roots’ award-winning 1999 album of the same name.
Possibly seeking to create something as iconic as Things Fall Apart, Nigerian-German Nneka’s musical might comes from producer DJ Farhot who deserves credit for building the superb backing and beats that Nneka uses to didactically sermonise from.
Nneka Egbuna’s political view of the laws governing her world is deeply immature and serves only to sap any joy that could otherwise be acquired from this, her second record. That in itself is a deeply unfortunate fact as there is much to like here: the dub-reggae feel of the cheerily titled Death; the pop immediacy of Heartbeat; the descending, jazzy chord progression and crackly hip-hop beat on Mind vs Heart; the shimmering chorus hook on Walking, and so on.
Influenced by jazz, reggae and hip-hop, the album boils down to a diverse ‘soul’ record. Nneka’s voice is listenable and her rapping ability is above average. Comparable to Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu and Neneh Cherry, it is Nneka’s thoughts that are her own worst enemy.
Much of what is said here can be surmised by the uneducated, adolescent scream, “This sucks!” and there is never any inclination to believe that Nneka has lived any of the experience retold. Streets Lack Love is perhaps the most patronising example of this:
“This goes out to you, people of the streets, no it is not easy to survive in this world, where there is no love, where this no heart, things we said we are, things we can never be.”
Not only does this not make sense, but does Nneka sincerely believe that ‘people in the street’ are picking up No Longer At Ease saying “Yeah, she represents me.” Maybe they’ll hear the song on the radio of the passing taxi carrying Nneka to her next venue where she will sit with her rider of Evian whilst those ‘people in the street’ bop to the fleeting memory of a snippet of the song written just for them, etched as it is on their consciousness with little more than chalk.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, she blames the suffering of the Nigerian people on Shell, Chevron, NNPC and wags a finger at the non-action of European and Nigerian Governments in such a lacklustre manner, anyone would think that she would be lucky to have got a GCSE in politics, never mind a degree in anthropology! While no-one can deny the global problems that desperately need addressing, the manner with which they are delivered on No Longer At Ease and the paranoid beliefs that drive Nneka are utterly naïve.
An artist speaks from their own truth – from experience. One of the inlay pictures to this album sees Nneka dressed in West African attire, carrying an acoustic guitar under her arm, walking on dusty earth and looking sorrowfully out into a concrete street. Behind her is a woman carrying a shopping bag in one hand and a large, plastic container of what one assumes to be water in the other. One look at Nneka’s feet and, wait, are they Nike trainers she’s wearing?
Hand me my K’naan albums.
Some of the team that worked on The Beatles Rock Band game got together to demonstrate what fun the game will be. Unfortunately, they look so unbelievably nerdy that any ‘cool’ quality the game potentially had is completely obliterated. On top of that, Paul’s Hofner bass has a tremolo arm on it. WHAT IDIOT THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? It’s a bass guitar dammit, and if you’re going to painstaking lengths to ensure a Beatles game is as accurate as it can be – don’t stick a bloody wang bar on the bass!
Anyway, is this really the future of gaming? A bunch of saps stood round in a room playing plastic instruments, copulating to their fabbest hits? I admit it’s probably fun for a couple of days, but are we likely to tire of the rhythm game concept anytime soon? Probably not.
An ideal way to increase band income generation, rhythm games must be a top priority for labels, because games are officially outselling CDs. Released earlier this year, look at the statistics for horror game Resident Evil 5.
Resident Evil 5 outsold every item in the UK Singles Chart (Based on physical and digital sales of UK Top 200)
Resident Evil 5 outsold U2′s chart-topping new album’s total sales since release in one weekend (in the UK)
Resident Evil 5 grossed more than the top 5 movies in the UK combined - March 19th (Source: IMDB.com)
The Resident Evil franchise as a whole has sold 40 MILLION COPIES WORLD WIDE – that’s 1 copy for every 170 people in the world (based on a global population of 6,707 Million)
Last year, Verdict Research predicted “UK sales of games will outstrip music and video for the first time in 2008″. It’s a new trend, but it’s hugely significant. “In the last five years the video games market has more than doubled in value, while music sales have stagnated.” (Source: BBC News).
So it’s obvious why Apple decided to create a Beatles game, it’s a massive cash-in and one that’ll send the registers ringing all the way into Christmas. I wonder which will sell most: Beatles Rock Band (£40 – game only / £110 – value edition / £180 – ‘limited’ edition), The Beatles Stereo Box Set (£170) or The Beatles Mono Box Set (£200)?
Is it too much of a stretch to predict Rock band outselling both? Not really. If you wanted to buy each one of those on the auspicious 09.09.09, you’d be paying out just under £500. Of course, if you want the John Lennon Rickenbacker or the George Harrison Gretsch, you’re looking at an extra £85 a piece - and I bet you all that good money that they’re anything but authentic replicas!

This is my purchase of the year. Forget about the Boss G3 multi fx unit I picked up for £50, these Top Trumps bring out the geek within. Not only that, but they feature a short history on each of the classic 52 synthesizers alongside the statistics. e.g. Did you know that Keith Emerson used a minimoog on many Emerson, Lake & Palmer songs? Probably not. IN YOUR FACE!
I am very happy about these and I shall play them with my synth-insane pal Robin Langridge this very even. This is him playing what looks like a Roland Jupiter-4 on classic Karel Fialka track ‘The Eyes Have It’.
Maybe I can get him to bring the white jumpsuit round. Hmmm.
Thanks to @themilkman for the tip-off.
Cards Included!
ARP 2600
ARP Axxe
ARP Odyssey
EDP Wasp
Elka Synthex
EMS VCS3
EMS Synthi 100
Gleeman Pentaphonic
Jen SX1000
Korg 700S
Korg 800-DV
Korg MonoPoly
Korg MS-10
Korg MS-20
Korg Poly 6
Korg Trident MkII
Korg PS3200
Korg PS3300
Moog Memorymoog Plus
Minimoog
Multimoog
Polymoog
Moog Prodigy
Moog Source
Oberheim 2 voice
Oberheim OB8
Oberheim 4 voice
Oberheim 8 voice
Oberheim Matrix 12
OSC OSCar
Octave Cat
Octave Kitten
Roland Juno 60
Roland Juno 106
Roland Jupiter 4
Roland Jupiter 6
Roland Jupiter 8
Roland SH2
Roland SH3a
Roland SH101
Roland SH7
Roland SH09
Roland SH1000
RSF PolyKobol II
Sequential Circuits Prophet 5
Sequential Circuits Prophet T8
Sequential Circuits Pro 1
Sequential Circuits Prophet 10
Yamaha CS5
Yamaha CS30
Yamaha CS60
Yamaha CS80
I’ve been wondering what DJ Shadow‘s been up to lately. Ever since the awful Outsider album, it’s about time we had some new material from him. Well, judging by this video, he’s back up to his old tricks, digging through acres of old vinyl – and that’s got to be a good sign!
How I Spent My Summer Vacation- A Film By DJ Shadow from 485″>DJ Shadow on Vimeo.

It is the summer of 1994: Westfield Road, Edgbaston, Birmingham. Five friends have gathered to smoke Marijuana and Malboros, drink Hooch and make music. Adz (drums), Ash (lead guitar), Bryn (bass), Liam (rhythm guitar) and Rich have been jamming for a few months in the top floor of Adz’s parents’ massive house. Mostly supplemented by the dole and the occasional bar job, the teenage outfit spend most of their time at the White Swan pub at the end of the road or at one of the local rock clubs, Edwards no 8 or Snobs.
The band only ever play one gig at King’s Heath’s renowned Hare and Hounds pub supporting comedy-folk duo “Colin and Graham: The Trainspotters“. Until now, their legacy has been shrouded in mystery, passing into legend.
But now, a tape of their original demo as recorded at Rich Bitch studios in Selly Oak has surfaced. Recorded by Christopher Seymour (now engineer of ska legends The Beat), the songs are solid indicators of a buoyant talent. Indeed, the band even had their first break on cult TV show The Big Breakfast which is also recorded somewhere on the tapes of time.
Tragically, one night at the White Swan, the group sacked singer Rich. Unable to resolve their guilt, they split, spreading throughout the country chasing careers, relationships or educations.
Presented here for the very first time as fully downloadable MP3s are those original, long-lost master recordings from 1994. I’m sure you’ll agree, this is one funk-rap-metal group the world never missed.
Seriously, though – this was the first ‘proper’ band I was in and though I can’t say any of it is any good now, it sounded great then. Let’s have a listen…
Translucent Zebra
Adam’s parent’s top floor was paradise to us. They left us alone to do what we like and Adz even had a full PA, drumkit and amps up there too. Man, we could smoke, drink and write till dawn – not that we did, though. The decor wasn’t especially striking unless you were stoned, as we frequently were. I remember an Australian girl passed out in there once when we played her our blistering rendition of ‘Voodoo Chile’. As the wallpaper pattern was a black and brown stripe; one afternoon we decided it was like living in a translucent zebra. We all threw in non-sensical lyrics and bingo!
No Attitude
At the time, Rich was living on Portland Road which was notorious for its halfway house and prostitutes. I remember some very strange times there: a man getting his skull attacked with a hammer, a house fire, some gun pointing, a great deal of acid, smashed Tekken discs and tinned Shepherd’s Pie. Anyway, I suppose this track reflected just a few of his experiences at the time. And yes, it’s kinda cheesy, bruv!
Loaded with Love
I suspect you’re now getting an idea of why no record contracts were thrown our way. I had little to do with this particular track as it was originally written by Adz’s previous band, The Rising. I don’t think I ever particularly liked it as it’s clearly about love and I had no idea or intention to discover what that was about. I still like the solo though.
Misty Blue
Conversely, I wrote all of this little ditty. I think I envisaged updating the entire whole blues genre with this narcissistic number. Completely cringeworthy, my imagination clearly went wild…
Move
I can’t remember the actual name of this song, but I know Adam wrote the lyrics as he’d moved to university the year before. Well I think he’d moved, I can’t remember. Whatever, it’s delightfully unoriginal with riffs ripped directly from Metallica‘s ‘And Justice for All’ album.
1,2,3,4
I definitely wrote this. A mindless 5-chord throwaway punk tune with Rich getting his best Zach de la Roche grunt on at the end. He never did get the vocal delivery right on this: which’s probably why I sacked him. We’re friends again though, he was the best man at my wedding.
Thanks to @akirathedon for bringing this to my attention. Now I like Sprite – even Sprite Zero – but this is ridiculous. Why would you want to make an ad like this? Is it going to sell more fizzy drinks? Max Issacson who made it said, “…there was no involvement from either The Coca-Cola Company or Greencard Pictures…this was not supposed to be taken seriously by anybody. They were made completely on spec”.
Oh really? Why? Entertainment? Humour? It’s fucking stupid, pal and if I wanted to watch something like that, there’s plenty of places on the ‘net to go for it.
So it must be a joke. Oh, ha! Hilarious. A bit of inter-racial sex to sell pop. Eeee, it’s not like it were in my day, lad. We had to return the bottle to get 10p back. Now, you’d just get a face full o’jizz for your honesty.
I don’t see the point in this ad, it’s not even an original idea. Perrier got there first with their explosive ad in 1976: that’s 33 years ago, Max. So all you’ve done is updated it for the iPhone generation to download and masturbate to while they pop to the shop to buy their favourtit (sorry, favourite) sparkling lemon and lime drink. Or maybe they’re more savvy than that.
I’m not offended by the ad, per se – I’m completely disappointed by its distinct lack of originality, flair and imagination. It simply serves to draw shocked giggles from a stupid audience. NEXT!