Posts Tagged ‘IGNORE’

Sporting the worst name since Peter Kay‘s Phoenix Nights duo Les Alanos (Les and Alan), Los Albertos (yes, The Alberts) are here to dump their third tawdry exercise in ska on you from a great black-and-white height. I don’t mean to be rude (boy), but honestly, why do bands like this insist on producing lousy ska music and touting it around as great music to party to?

Whatever the reason, this nutty gang of horn-toting blunt smokers have got the energy to keep stomping their way across the UK playing to audiences who still believe the skank to be alive in them. Well, good. I can imagine how well much of this would work well live as there are some intricate horn arrangements and some interesting guitar parts. But, lyrically, this has to rank amongst the most embarrassing recordings…ever.

Examples include:

“My nose is sore, my pocket raw, my face is turning blue. I don’t think I can pay that fiver I owe you” (Carry on (Regardless))

“Then I said I can show you that alleyway where in that film where Leslie Ash had a shag with Phil Daniels…” (Leslie)

“Are these thoughts I think already thunk or is that another seven pints I’ve just seen you sunk? Pardon me for having too much front. Well, if I’m not too mistaken, your lifestyle lacks the habits of a monk” (Saint).

Well. They actually managed to make Lily Allen‘s lyrics read like Shakespeare. So, if your idea of a good ska album is listening to a wedding band playing substandard ska while chanting cheesy lyrics about festivals they’re lucky enough to have played while wearing porkpie hats, then by all means buy this.

If not, then buy the new Madness album instead.

Tags: 2009, IGNORE, LP, music, review

Oh no! Le Reno Amps have been kidnapped and they’re being forced to point guns at each other and they’re all tied up and stuff in the forest! QUICK! Call the bloody cops, moron. No, I don’t think we’ve not got time to listen to a CD. What? It’s only 35 minutes? Well I suppose they could wait just a little bit longer.

This Scottish quartet’s release is supported by the Scottish Arts Council, and has been recorded with producer Andy Miller (who works for Chemikal Underground’s recording studio).  With all these delightful credentials firmly in place, how does their debut album ‘Tear it open’ sound?

Well, it’s a confusing affair.  ‘Outlaws’ is a galloping, pyschobilly affair comprised of distorted guitars and anarchic intentions and is immediately followed by the Johnny Cash inspired ‘If you want a lover’. Featuring a train-like shuffle, the band manage to hold on to their country leanings all the way up to track three, ‘Going under’. But, on arrival, they derail and deliver a large slice of lemon-meringue sweet power pop. Like I said, it’s confusing stuff.

Until, that is, you reach ‘The Stand Off’, which seems to positively revel in its dodgy vocal harmonies, obtuse lyrics and bizarre electronic interlude which serves to expose Le Reno amps as ‘a great live band’ with lots of energy and little content. With vocal inefficiencies continuing through the uninspiring ‘Body’ – musically, the band are tight and proficient, as the changes on the bright punk-pop of ‘Slow decay’ shows.

The most interesting and exciting song on ‘Tear it open’ is ‘Dangerous boy’ which combines the infamous Mersey-inspired skank with some delicious off-key guitar noodlings. If only the band had the bravery to stick to this more convincing and suitable style, it would have made for a far more cohesive and interesting record.

With some awful power-pop and great punk made by the same band on the same record, this is an unusual album: one that defies explanation. Maybe they were all drunk; maybe they don’t know who they want to be; maybe they’re all schizophrenic and the Scottish Arts Council thought they’d fund this project to meet their sinister mental health targets for 2009.

Whatever the reason, if they don’t work harder at controlling their urge to please everybody, the goodness of the band is going to be consumed by the shit that’s floating around in the same tank. With a firmer steer, the band could really grow to reach their twisted potential.

What? Go where? Don’t be stupid. They’ve got guns, you fool.

Tags: 2009, IGNORE, LP, music, review

Dear God,

Each day, millions of people die of entirely preventable diseases. The lack of accessible, universal healthcare combined with the continued denial of food, clothing and shelter to those most in need is acknowledged as one of the greatest abominations this world has to live with. It has angered many but kills off far more.

Clearly, there is something askew with this moral compass you have bestowed upon us. But that is why you gave us celebrities – celebrities show us the way. Celebrities that include Bono, He of good voice. Thank you for giving Him the voice which holds sway over our world leaders.

Why is it, though, that on His latest LP (which is available now and includes a deluxe edition) He says that “I don’t wanna talk about wars between nations – not right now”? The ‘Sexy boots’ he frequently mentions, well we all know where they can lead. Perhaps Bono, crumbling under the hefty weight that the mantle of ambassador brings, has decided that He just fancies a shag and a boogie.

Regardless, ’No Line on the Horizon’ plunged me immediately into the heady, yet familiar stadium rock of U2. The underpinning drone connected by some interesting chordal variations and Bono’s sing-a-long chants set my head aspin. When The Edge arrived on ‘Magnificent’ (which I am sure is intended as a first-class exercise in oxymora) with delay pedal in full effect, the deep lyrical whimsy perpetuating served to simply upset me dearly. The use of a slide guitar solo in ‘Magnificent’ is replicated in the very next song: ‘Moment of surrender’. So soon, Oh Lord?

When ‘Unknown Caller’ launched through my speakers, it felt like I was with the individual members of U2 at some twisted oral bukkake party, and they were lining up to take turns to vomit violently into my right ear, spunking swathes of sputum down my tear-sodden cheeks while simultaneously thrusting a xylophone into my left. Recovering, the atrociously titled ‘Stand up comedy’, finds U2 emulating Led Zeppelin (peace and blessings be upon them), but the result sounds much like Audioslave riffs being played by Hanson during their ‘Mmmbop’ period.

The one absolute of this record is the incoherent grandiosity that hurtles through auditory canals, rooting for kernels of credibility and decency. Which leads me nicely to ‘White as snow’: a meandering, patronising swing at country-inspired story-telling, dressed in gingham and grasping a stick of pink candyfloss looking lost at the bi-annual Good song fair.

Though ‘Breathe’ does contain some of the old U2 amongst it, there is never any let up in the surrounding barrage of noise, and the cacophony soon drowns out what soul remains beneath. ‘Cedars of Lebanon’ does seem to hold some truck with the political and, it pains me to say, the sampled “Against the sky” (written by co-producer Brian Eno) is the most substantial piece of music heard across the whole record.

Sacrilegious though I may be, Lord, I must be frank. I cannot believe that you could allow such a piece of work to exist in light of the hideousness already in this pestilent world of ours. This leads me to conclude that you, God, do not exist and that as such, there shall never be any justice in the world. Even Lemar knows that, and I am completely at a loss as to fathom how.

I hear Bono called Chris Martin a “twat” the other day which, all things considered, sounds rather like the pot calling the kettle a golliwog. If you are going to buy this album; please don’t. Give the money you would’ve spent on it to charity and we’ll all be better off.

Tags: 2009, IGNORE, LP, music, review