Among the many things children love are chocolate, sweets, crisps, ice-cream and TV. It’s impossible to deny the link between a bad diet and obesity, but what about the unconscious musical implications assigned to adverts by confectionery conglomerates? I chose 25 of the most influential adverts from the ’70s through to the early ’90s, and listened closely to the accompanying jingles.
1. Milk Tray.
The classic. Our Bond hero spies a yacht from the cliffs and dives into shark infested water. Cliff Adams’ signature trumpet riff to The Night Rider calls out before giving way to a thumping bassline and funky flutes. Our hero swims through the water with a case attached to his leg, climbs aboard the yacht and leaves the lady a 454g box of assorted chocolates (while she’s in the loo, or something) and a calling card before diving back into the waters with a knife between his teeth. One can only assume the lady loves shark fin soup too. Adams’ complex composition is performed by Alan Hackshaw and – apart from the trumpet hook – is quite forgettable.
2. Trio.
Suzie’s too loud for this ’60s inspired Hawaiian beach band, so she’s locked in a soundproof booth while the two remaining members of the band jam to the sound of a pre-recorded child singing the unforgettable tune Day-O (The Banana Boat Song). The simplicity of the lyric and melody provide quite the contrast to Milk Tray’s epic score. But, as John Peel says, ‘No three things are quite as good together as a Trio’.
3. Fudge.
A lovely accappella kicks off this pretty little ditty that builds with its layered, precision acoustic instrumentation. It’s a credit to Manfred Mann’s Mike D’abo for putting together the perfect soundtrack to the perfect short snack. It seems that the advert primarily succeeds because it is a child singing. I don’t know many adults that choose to eat a finger of Fudge (as it’s just to give your kids a treat), but the nostalgic memories of this advert may sometimes skip across their consciousness in the newsagents.
4. Fruit & Nut.
Ever had a sexy chocolate bar come on to you in the office? Thought not. But you might have done if you ate this beauty. An electronic timbale roll runs right into awful steel pans and dreadful, dreadful synth lines. It’s impossible to deny the charm of animated fruit and nuts (musclebound raisins and swimming almonds respectively), yet there is something sinister about our protagonist’s strange desk rave at the end. Still, this is more of an adult chocolate bar, though the advert treads the line between generations.
5. Milky Bar.
Not many children got to be the Milky Bar kid, but I’m pretty sure we all wanted to be him on some level. Where did he get those sickly sweet bars from? Where did he stash them? I don’t recall the adverts being in space, but it appears that a few of them definitely were. What I like most about this version is the little twin guitar lick right at the end. And no, I don’t like Queen.
6. Chewits.
The doom-laden orchestral manoeuvres of the Chewits score runs in opposition to the Japanese themed attack. The deliberate ’50s score ties in well with the gushing hammy performances and dialogue, and though that’s not a reference point many children would recognise, we definitely knew about the animated Godzilla that lived on TV every Saturday morning.
7. Milky Way.
This was re-released in 2009 with a changed lyric. This version features the straight-ahead rock n’ roll tune composed by Mike Connaris and sung by Bob Saker (it was also available as a single) that backs the journey of the animated, fat red car that eats everything, and a slim blue car that has a light snack that allows him to jump that bridgeless cavern. And now you can buy two Milky Ways in one pack, because one was never enough.
8. Softmints.
An alternative version of Cockney Rebel’s Mr Soft (1974) complete with unnecessary received pronunciation. Why they couldn’t use Steve Harley’s voice is questionable. Maybe his voice was just too common for this bizarre and unforgettable squishy character advertising filling minty treats. Regardless, the advert’s music and visuals pulls in young people, children and parents alike.
9. Breakaway.
You would generally see this kind of quality animation spliced into music videos and films (circa 1984). This extended version of what is essentially a riff on ‘Don’t take away my Breakaway’ seems to be supplied care of Denis Waterman off that Minder show. Yes, it does sound like he’s doing a bit of a rap. It’s not great is it? Nice chocolate, though – it would fit perfectly into your lunchbox and, moreover, into a child’s hand and gob.
10. Double Decker.
The Cockney theme continues, but not before a surrealistic take on split-screen technology and Cahn and Heusen’s Love and Marriage. The message? Being crassly cryptic works? Is this the crossword of adverts? I remember eating Double Deckers when they used to have raisins in them, so they certainly weren’t a snack solely for adults.
11. Marathon.
Yes. Marathon, Marathon, Marathon. It’s not a Snickers yet – it’s not truly satisfying in that way. This ad’s interrupted by a soulfully harmonised ‘It’s so satisfying!’ before being topped off by a well-rounded ‘Oooh.’ Check out the hideous sax action and chicken scratch guitar! Check out the size of that bar! And you can eat it anywhere. Anywhere! The real people off the telly said so! The dual nature of the name suggests it could give an adult the energy to run a marathon, or that eating it was a marathon effort for children.
12. Mars.
‘A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play’ (penned by Francis Harmer- Brown and Peter Pfeffer in 1959) has long been replaced with ‘Pleasure you can’t measure’ which is clearly not as good a slogan. As a child, I only ate them when they were deep fried, or at Christmas when they were at the top of a selection stocking. They were huge, and at 16p – packed with valuable goodness. The horn and string arrangement over romanticises something that is essentially a lot of sugar.
13. Twix.
More simplistic than the ‘Twix Fits’ or ‘Break From The Norm’ campaigns, this Twix ad gets right down to brass tacks. It’s bigger than ever, and lasts even longer… And it only costs you 15p. The music is akin to something you’d hear opening a pointless gameshow hosted by Paul Daniels. Maybe it was given a futuristic spin because this was the ‘biggest ever Twix’. Did you know this is the biggest Twix? This is the biggest value Twix ever.
14. Minstrels.
‘Whatever you want to do, there’s a chocolate that’s right for you,’ intones the church-rock vocal at the head of this innocent drivel. They melt in your mouth and not in your hand, but that depends how long you hold them for. Ultimately, the advert seems to be claiming that there is less cleaning involved if your children eat Minstrels, and this family seem to survive on the crispy, shiny shells. Look how clean and unmarked their home is. I quite like the shifting bassline and inoffensive horn arrangement, but the piece starts to resemble the theme to an American soap opera as it closes.
15. Galaxy.
George Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue really takes this advert to levels of luxury – from cotton to silk, indeed. Some of the best ads are entirely instrument led, with those featuring lyrics dating quickly and coming over as tacky or childish (which is probably the point). But as chocolate spans ages, that knowledge makes this ad positively sing.
16. Flake.
What boy didn’t want to be that flake? 40 years of Flake girls and their suggestive nibbling made for hard times in between Cannon and Ball. Ronnie Bond wrote this memorable theme (even if we remember it for all the wrong reasons) an it sounds like it should feature as part of a Foreigner set. It’s a great ad. They don’t make them like this any more.
17. 54321.
Hot stuff from Manfred Mann. The original features some great, chugging blues harp work, but the ad is manic, nauseating neon on coke…much like the children of the ’80s. The original was also used on TV show ‘Ready, Steady, Go’ which may explain why the creators of this chocolate delight chose this particular track again. And do you recognise Ted Rogers in there? Could you do the 3-2-1 move? Didn’t think so.
18. Roses.
Did you know Paul McCartney’s brother, Michael, wrote this? Well, he did – with his band, The Scaffold in 1967. The original is really good, and led by a thick Liverpudlian vocal. It’s worth checking out (good drum patterns). The fact that it’s been appropriated for Roses means that Michael’s probably never had to work. That and his brother’s a bit famous. This version sounds like it’s been given an added ska factor – and we can guess why.
19. Quality Street.
Magic Moments as composed by Bacharach and David. It’s warm, gentle and fuzzy, so I suppose that’s why we have to watch something that’s a bit Last of the Summer Wine while Neil Innes shows us his hair. But that doesn’t matter, the romance of the music and the coyness of the content is fit to make the whole family smile.
20. Club.
What was your favourite? Orange? Mint? Fruit? Coffee? They’ve shrunk, haven’t they? I wrote to Jacob’s once and they replied saying, ‘No, they’re the same size,’ subtly implying that I’d got bigger. They’re probably right. I like the way this version incorporates noises from popular at the time within the chant. There’s an earlier version of this featuring some hillbillies and banjos, but this is more contemporary, cosmopolitan and clever.
21. Cornetto.
O Sole Mio as sung by Renato Pagliari. These classic adverts, filled with a childish machismo play against the backdrop of Italian stereotype. How successfully that comes across is uncertain, but who cares, really? It made us eat ice-cream. I’ve not eaten one since the took the ad off the air, though. Wall’s should look into that.
22. Blue Riband.
You can almost hear the ad executives’ minds working overtime here. ‘Think blue. Blue, blue, blue. Blues. Blues music. Yes. Get it in the ad.’ Musician Mike Berry knows how to go about getting his daughter to bring him a chocolate covered, wafer treat. OK, so it plays on the blues, howling dog, and lost woman archetype, but don’t it make you want a Blue Riband with a nice cup of tea? Amen.
23. Yorkie.
Big man, big bar. He drives a truck, he likes ladies – he must like country music. It’s like the driver treats the Yorkie bar like he would a dog accompanying him on long trips. The original song is by Cirrus and is called Rollin’ On – it’s far better than the Rowntree take, obviously. You don’t really get songs mashed up by organisations to suit their chocolate these days, do you? Shame.
24. Maynard’s Wine Gums.
Hoots Mon by Lord Rockingham’s XI was a number 1 in 1958. It’s got a great rock n’ roll vibe, but you also hear elements of a jig running through it. The original recording features the line, “Hoots man! There’s a mouse loose about this hoose,’ but here, it’s juice that loose. It’s a fun ad aided by a stonking tune: sweeties for grandparents and children alike.
25. Lion Bar.
Wild Thing will probably be more readily associated with Jimi Hendrix, or even Tone Loc, but this version of the ad used The Troggs’ original first. There’s an intense, rapidly cut ’90s version that used Hendrix’s take on the track worth checking out. The ad is simple – it’s a Lion Bar. If it’s chewy and crunchy enough for a lion, it’s good enough for you. And who doesn’t like lions?
There are undoubtedly plenty of other ads worth talking about, but I believe these are the best confectionery related ones. There’s no direct empirical link between great music, advertising and confectionery as it’s ultimately your tastebuds that matter most, not your music taste.
But though the music may seem purely incidental, it’s easy to see how much attention advertising companies pay to their work, and our unconscious interpretation of cool probably comes into play when we’re gazing at those beautifully wrapped bars in shops. Still, if you dislike coconut, no amount of cool music is going to make you buy a Bounty bar – which is just as well because the music to that campaign was always rubbish.