Though I run the risk of this being the least interesting post written, I thought I should record the recent events of the past two days.
At some time early on Monday morning, aged 34, I experienced a ‘Tonic Clonic’ seizure. My last known episode was at least nine years ago and though I can’t recall many details, I remember being completely lost in the flat I was sharing; walking into my flatmate’s room to ask who and where I was. Unnerved by that, I had some tests (CT Scan and EEG) at the Royal Free Hospital, but never received any results; so I assumed all was well.
However, Monday’s seizure was entirely different as my wife, Kate, witnessed the whole event. She was awoken by my presence taking up more space than normal, causing her to to turn on the light and get out of bed to see what was happening. As she did, my seizure began – lasting approximately two minutes. Again, I have no recollection of this. What I do remember is sitting on the sofa downstairs with an oxygen mask on, speaking to a paramedic. Kate tells me that after the seizure, during which I attempted to swallow the duvet, she put me in the recovery position before calling the emergency service. As she did so, I came round and started exploring our flat – spending time looking at and admiring a pair of boots I already own.
Before I went to bed, I was already in a creatively heightened state: flurries of ideas were surging through my brain setting neuro-transmitters alight creating an electrical storm. I went to the bathroom three times before I could even get off to sleep which is probably just as well as the bladder can be relaxed as the subject moves out of the clonic state of seizure.
I remember everything after climbing into the back of the ambulance. I don’t recall being frightened, though I am now. The staff were exemplary as were the doctors and nurses and St George’s Hospital, Tooting. My tongue and the walls of my mouth are still sore today; I am physically exhausted and my muscles ache from the violence of the seizure.
There’s no real explanation for this, and there are millions of epilepsy sufferers the world over who deal with such occurences on a daily basis. I have been asked not to drive for a year, and have been advised that there will be more tests and possible medication to come. It’s weird, though, as I’ve had no such episode in almost a decade. So why now?
I can guess why. 2009 is becoming a year that represents a massive change in my personal development. Priorities have changed, my job is less secure, my direction is unclear. As in my mid-20s, my brain is having to deal with more complex issues than it has had to in some time. It will take a few weeks to shake the feelings that I sit with now, but I am pleased that there are support groups I can turn to on the internet; videos I can watch, family, and people I can call. Though I may be anonymous, I don’t feel alone.
I will be updating this mostly music-oriented blog with my journey through epilepsy alongside the usual witterings. This event represents a substantial change for me and it is one that, with support, love and understanding, I believe can be successfully navigated.