Nightmare

July 4, 2009

Prior to seeing Spinal Tap on Tuesday, I called in to Shoreditch’s Old Blue Last for a few ales with @shepproudfoot and Rich, my pal from Birmingham. After 45 minutes or so, Rich went out for a cigarette. On returning he informed us of a man outside on the pavement sunbathing in nothing but his Speedos. I said “Well, this is Shoreditch” and went back to my pint. Rich persisted, claiming that this was something to be seen; so I obliged.

Bemused by the spectacle that fell upon my eyes and fuelled by the drink, I made to converse with the sun-loving stranger and he generously informed me that his name was ‘Nightmare’. Living in London, I’ve met many random strangers and I’m guilty of casting many into the ever expanding ‘nutter’ category; but ‘Nightmare’ was on for taking the crown.

On further questioning, I discovered his ‘real’ name was ‘Jegs’ and we spoke at length about what he was doing out in the street and why he was even there. There were few answers, none of which I really believed and I made my opinion known with a few curse words thrown in. Jegs retorted with a swift punch to the gut. “I don’t like swearing,” he uttered comically. Reversing roles, he began to quiz us about boxing and, judging by his physique and passing resemblance to the now battered face of Mickey Rourke, we assumed  he was once a boxer. He informed us that Rocky Marciano had the hardest punch in boxing history and was the only boxer to retire undefeated which is pretty much confirmed by Wikipedia.

“Marciano’s punch was tested and it was featured in the December 1963 issue of Boxing Illustrated: “Marciano’s knockout blow packs more explosive energy than an armour-piercing bullet and represents as much energy as would be required to spot lift 1000 pounds one foot off the ground.”

With many arty types living and working in Shoreditch it wasn’t long before some ‘cameramen’ came to try and capture the ‘moment’. After some banter, he gave them what they eagerly sought, but only after they bought him a pint.

Jegs said he’d back be later in the week cooking barbeque and that we should come back; we knew we wouldn’t but gratefully accepted. Before leaving Jegs said “Shall I lift you up?”. Declining, I pointed to Rich and said that I was certain he wouldn’t mind.

With one arm, Jegs lifted Rich clean off the pavement and stood grinning into the camera.

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