Jai Ho – featuring Nicole Scherzinger

March 24, 2009

Yes! Everyone’s favourite film of the year gets its lead song remixed! It wasn’t enough that the quite famous composer A.R. Rahman should simply win an Oscar for his score to the globally over-rated Slumdog Millionaire. No. The end song, which featured the abused children as adults celebrating their requited love and millions of rupees dancing in a train station, had to be remade into a Rn’B smash for 2009. Why?

“Nicole like many others felt as though the song was perfect and that it couldn’t be remade. However, after giving it some thought Nicole Scherzinger felt she could create a English adaptation to the captivating track.” (Desi Hits)

According to the interview, it took her a few days to work out if she could do it. Do what? Decide to lay some vocals down on an already written track? To do your job? You think you can do your job? Can you do what your label tells you for a pot of cash? Oh well done. And, no, you didn’t need to pray to find that out. You need to pray to God that He can forgive you for snuffling around Satan’s anal ring for this treat though.

I thought that this form of anglicization occurred primarily in the world of film. For example, Guillermo del Toro‘s brilliant and spooky The Orphanage is being remade into an English speaking version so it can ‘reach more people’. Oh, please fuck off. Any members of the English speaking world who can’t be bothered to read subtitles, deserve to be culturally starved to death.

Incidentally, on remakes, Spanish director Juan Antonio Bayona noted that “The Americans have all the money in the world but can’t do anything, while we can do whatever we want but don’t have the money. The American industry doesn’t take chances, that’s why they make remakes of movies that were already big hits” (sources: Wikipedia & Sitges 09).

Same now applies to this musical monstrosity. While ‘Jai Ho’ was already a hit – having a skinny pussycat temptress shamelessly wank her vocal chords all over it, mispronouncing the title ‘Jay Ho’ so the ‘industry’ can shift a few million extra downloads is clearly all in the game. As if that wasn’t annoying enough, South East Asian media, like DesiHits.com for example, are lapping this crass shit up, and Nicole now wants to work with children in India.

It’s enough to make me scoop my fucking guts out with a wooden spoon, invoking the gag reflex and puking with every thrust as I shove my fist down my gullet. Look away. Now.

Category Posted in Musical Murmurings